HOPE FOR THE BEST

Bye Bye Blogger

2010-05-19T10:58:00.000+01:00

I've realised Tumblr is loads better (by which I mean neater). So, it seems my blogger is destined to go the same way as my mysapce - to the digital elephant's graveyard where profiles go to die. Thank God I never had a Bebo.

http://planfortheworst.tumblr.com/

Hahahahahahahha

2010-05-13T19:02:00.001+01:00

If you've been getting hiLOLrious and suggestive comments posted on your blog from this account it wasn't me. It was this guy - Tuvshin Bolor.

Saves me right for leaving my profile logged in at work and being off sick.

Pretty funny though. Check this reaction...

Armando Iannucci can see into the future

2010-05-11T09:01:00.002+01:00

Uncle Buk

2010-05-10T12:05:00.001+01:00

'It's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.'
- Charles Bukowski

Songs for Sunday III

2010-05-09T16:50:00.002+01:00

C4 News public opinion fail

2010-05-07T20:46:00.001+01:00

Her name is Gay Power and she voted Conservative. Oh sweet irony.

Blues Brothers

2010-05-07T17:52:00.001+01:00

'It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.'

Girls

2010-05-07T14:40:00.000+01:00

There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.
- Mae West

Post election message

2010-05-07T14:21:00.001+01:00

Come on Britain! There's only so much piss in my body.

Election day message

2010-05-06T15:44:00.002+01:00

Political expression shouldn't be limited to putting a cross in a box every 4 years.

D'oh (-main name balls up)

2010-05-06T10:40:00.001+01:00

Platform is down for a few days because someone (not me) forgot to pay the annual domain name fee. Until we get switched back on we will be the world's first offline online magazine.

Now that's what I call design

2010-05-05T12:22:00.005+01:00

A Boys Noize/Erol Alkan record really isn't my thing anymore but when a record is this well designed it's really tempting to buy a copy.

WEEEEEEZERTHON!!!!

2010-05-01T13:20:00.002+01:00

24 hours until maximum radness.

Esther Mahlangu

2010-04-30T18:05:00.000+01:00

World of leather

2010-04-30T11:03:00.000+01:00

Girls

2010-04-29T15:27:00.002+01:00

A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment
- Carl Jung

Möbius Strip

2010-04-29T11:04:00.004+01:00

And I thought a Möbius Strip was a Bavarian gentleman's club.
Also, you probably want to mute this video. Just a heads up.

Hackney pet shop

2010-04-27T16:35:00.000+01:00

Lads Lads Lads

2010-04-27T15:57:00.014+01:00

Once there was FML, now there is Truelad.com.

(If you've got a lame small screen click the pictures to see them bigger )

You couldn't make it up could you?! Well... you probably could. Most of these are obvious examples of LAD exaggeration (exLADggeration?), but they're all the better for it.

There's also a great article about this stuff on Platform.

It's not easy being green

2010-04-27T10:32:00.004+01:00

Bonus irrelevant fact: one of Teddy Roosevelt's sons was called Kermit.

To do

2010-04-26T12:28:00.000+01:00

XX

2010-04-26T12:21:00.003+01:00

Songs for Sunday II

2010-04-25T14:37:00.002+01:00

Record Store Day

2010-04-25T14:34:00.002+01:00

Record Store Day great for two reasons. Firstly, I got my hands on a copy of the limited 7" Hot Chip record. With the Bonnie Prince Billy version of I Feel Better on the a-side and a new track 'Bear Witness' on the other. Secondly, I got to see Laurie Anderson do an amazing Q&A to an audience of maybe 200 amused and confused record store patrons who came expecting to hear some music, like maybe this...

But instead they saw Laurie sporting a fake mustache, calling herself Fenway Begamot and taking questions on anything from why Great Britain feels the need to call itself 'great' - you don't have 'Maxium France', she suggested - to what happens after we die.

Her answers were wonderful and provocative. Trying to paraphrase them here would be a horrible mistake.

Dirty beasts

2010-04-20T12:19:00.004+01:00

Roald Dahl provided the stories of my childhood. Revolting Rhymes, The Enormous Crocodile and The Giraffe the Pelly and Me we all favourites, but Dirty Beasts was the scariest and best of the lot.

I had the audio book version on tape voiced by Pam Ferris and Geoffrey Palmer. It was terrifying. I wish I could listen to it now again now. If anyone has a copy of the tape please hit me up.

Daft Punk at a strip club

2010-04-20T12:06:00.002+01:00

Erlend Øye is the best

2010-04-19T11:03:00.001+01:00

His vocals on the new Caribou track prove this.

As do all of these old favourites...

Positivity

2010-04-14T16:55:00.002+01:00

Songs for Sunday

2010-04-11T19:07:00.003+01:00

and this one...

Eating Off The People's Princess

2010-04-07T18:49:00.003+01:00

I like simple ideas well executed. This is one of those.

The puns are also right out of the top draw. I tip my hat to you, anonymous blogger. I can say with certainty that your candle will burn out long before your legend ever will.

Rest in peas

She didn’t (rissot)toe the line

Cheesed off the hambulance didn’t arrive in time.

See loads more pun-tastic meals here.

I used to have 2 daschunds

2010-04-06T16:27:00.001+01:00

Cutest girl in the world?

2010-04-03T23:46:00.003+01:00

Well maybe. It's just a shame she's got the clap.

Owl Watch #8

2010-04-01T11:36:00.000+01:00

Spotted on the internet's best photo blog, Them Thangs.

Moobs

2010-03-24T17:53:00.000Z

The two homepage images together make it look like the guy has boobs (and can draw really well).

Owl Watch #7

2010-03-24T16:39:00.000Z

Spotted on this ace blog.

Happy music

2010-03-22T11:27:00.001Z

V&A

2010-03-22T09:24:00.001Z

I went so you don't have to (although you really should because it's fun and free).

Hakuna Matata

2010-03-19T10:33:00.003Z

Brazil

2010-03-19T10:32:00.002Z

Grace and Sasha Feel Better

2010-03-17T11:27:00.009Z

The new Hot Chip video is directed by Look Around You creator and general funny man Peter Serafinowicz. He advertised for extras to come down to Covent Garden to be in the video some time last week. Unfortunately he asked for girls only and although I seriously considered going in drag I had other shit to do.

Luckily, my friends Grace and Sasha didn't have shit to do, and they went down to see if they could get themselves in front of camera.

Here are the results...

1m 10s: Grace (bottom right) looks confused.

1m 54s: Sashy doing some great background work. I think the emotion she was going for is fear.

2m 22s: Grace with her mouth open - the jokes write themselves.

3m 11s: You can play a game of Where's Sashy with this shot.

3m 16s: Sashy doing her best b-movie horror scream. Top. Gun. Actor!

And I think Hot Chip are in the video at some point as well.

See for yourself...

Hot Chip - I Feel Better

Hot Chip | MySpace Music Videos

One with the birds

2010-03-08T20:17:00.005Z

Bird exhibit at the Barbican was really good.

Birds (zebra finches actually) were flying free around a room and landing on guitars to make music.

Miscjpeg

2010-03-08T15:15:00.004Z

We've given the miscjpeg section of Platform a $1,000,000 face lift. See for yourself. It's curated by me and Adele.

My American dream

2010-03-08T12:18:00.001Z

Uncle Fats

2010-03-06T13:07:00.001Z

Design Museum: Dieter Rams

2010-03-05T16:41:00.017Z

A day trip from last weekend.

Amhurst Cafe

2010-03-05T16:33:00.002Z

Owl Watch #6

2010-03-02T13:38:00.003Z

Owl Watch #5: The Museum of Childhood

2010-02-28T20:44:00.000Z

Send in by David Watson. Thanks David.

Hot Chip in Brixton

2010-02-28T20:21:00.010Z

Never go to Brixton. Ever

I traveled there on Friday night to see the best band in the world play. Good news right? Wong. First off we missed all the support acts because Brixton is fucking miles away and TFL sucks big balls. But that's OK, I was only there to see one band anyway.

The next problem was that we were stuck in row z of the Upper Circle in Brixton Academy. 'Up in the Gods' was how I later described it to a friend, although this caused a lot of confusion.

This is all we could see...

... which was lame.

Luckily Hot Chip played the best set I've ever seen them do. The new songs sounded ace. Brothers, Alley Cats, I Feel Better, and Slush (with Charles Haywood singing live) were all exceptional. From the oldies, No Fit State and Hold On worked really well with the live band.

Well done chaps! Next time hopefully I'll be a bit closer to the action (and it won't be in Brixton).

Golf

2010-02-24T11:35:00.000Z

Echo

2010-02-24T11:34:00.003Z

Papa

2010-02-24T11:34:00.000Z

Juliet

2010-02-24T11:33:00.002Z

Charlie

2010-02-24T11:32:00.003Z

Sierra

2010-02-24T11:32:00.000Z

India

2010-02-24T11:19:00.003Z

Mike

2010-02-23T17:42:00.004Z

Sad Cafe

2010-02-10T17:56:00.000Z

Errol Morris Vs. Harvey Weinstein

2010-02-09T12:47:00.002Z

Re: his film The Thin Blue Line

Punch Drunk Love

2010-02-08T10:27:00.003Z

The arthouse Adam Sandler movie.

'I'm looking at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna fucking smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.'

Special bonus material from The Mattress Man-->

Owl Watch #4

2010-02-07T12:07:00.001Z

A lovely gift from Sashy. Thanks Sashy.

Owl watch #3

2010-02-03T12:39:00.002Z

You can judge an Owl by the company it keeps. In this case N-Dubz and Fiddy.

Things I learn't form last night's Hot Chip show at Rough Trade

2010-02-03T09:42:00.017Z

I didn't take any pictures of the show itself so you'll have to make do with this crude photoshop representation of what it may have, but definitely did not, look like.

1. Steel drums are my new favourite instrument and I'm going to spend the remainder of this week bashing a dustbin lid until it produces a pleasing timbre.

2. The reworked live version of Ready For The Floor is HEAVY. I was standing next to one of the speakers and the bass was so deep it was like getting a full body massage.

3. One Life Stand is sounding tight live.

4. Al has to wear a hilarious Britney Spears style headset thing for the vocoder/autotune bits of I Feel Better. It was either for that or he was taking a call via his Bluetooth.

5. Alley Cats is heartbreaking and has so much potential but I reckon it need a bit more polishing. Plus I'm still in love with this older live version.

6. A typical Hot Chip crowd are very, maybe even excessively, polite and middle class (myself included).

7. Joe is singing a lot more, which is a fantastic thing to see and hear.

and finally,

8. Hot Chip are THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD... but I knew that already.

Roll on Brixton.

New Google Monopoly, from Hasbro

2010-02-02T14:35:00.002Z

Blaise wrote a piece of Platform about how Google is trying to fuck Microsoft by phasing out their compatibility with Microsoft's Internet Explorer for pretty much all Google products - Gmail, Docs, Google Maps, etc.

I made the following images in photoshop to go with it. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out.

Although the original version was a bit more blue.

A great release

2010-02-01T14:45:00.001Z

DELUXE edition of course.

Tomorrow is the Rough Trade in-store - BOOM!

Loose weight with Ayds

2010-02-01T11:50:00.000Z

South Park did it.

Rocket Man

2010-02-01T11:44:00.000Z

Holy shit this is painful to watch, and brilliant.

The visual effects blow my mind. Tripple trouble, Shatner is comin' at 'cher

Research

2010-02-01T10:29:00.005Z

J.D. Salinger

2010-01-29T15:39:00.003Z

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.”
- The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger

We all need something to hope for

2010-01-27T13:40:00.007Z

We've moved upstairs in the Platform warehouse, which is a marked improvement from the dark and dusty middle floor.

We even put a motivational poster above our desk to boost moral.

Bob wasn't impressed.

So I put this song on and he cheered right up

Dr. Tobias Fünke (Analrapist)

2010-01-26T11:33:00.000Z

The family man

2010-01-25T11:59:00.001Z

Radness

2010-01-25T11:58:00.003Z

Obama...

2010-01-25T10:52:00.002Z

Swimming with the fishes

2010-01-18T14:58:00.007Z

Posted on Platform -->

About 10 years ago I was lucky enough to visit the Maldives – it was on the parental dollar of course, I was only 12 or so – and it was ace.

While we were in-transit I nagged my parents to buy me three underwater disposable cameras (for the price of 2) from the airport’s duty free Boots. I was a budding Cousteau and wanted to take pictures of the fish and whatnot. They agreed, probably because they realised this would keep me both occupied and quiet.

Until last week I thought the resulting pictures were lost. Just as time had swept the memories from my mind I thought my Mum had swept the pictures into the bin during one of her overenthusiastic cleaning sessions. However, on Saturday I made the short trip back to rural Leicstershire to visit the folks and uncovered some sunken treasure.

These days time with the family is usually time spent reminiscing. So I had a rummage through the big brown bureau in the living room that houses the family photos. All our family life resides therein; from birthdays to holidays, weddings to sports days. Anyways, while I was digging around in our family time capsule I stumbled upon a dusty old photo CD stuffed with the following encoded memories.
I thought they were worth sharing just in case you never make it to the Maldives, plus Platform loves disposable cameras, right?

I like these pictures. Yes they’re grainy and blurry – if you want to actually observe fish buy a David Attenborough box set – but they reminded me of Stingray, my childhood, and those ten amazing days snorkeling around an underwater paradise.

I wouldn't say it was the best holiday ever, but it was in the top 1.

This is siiiiiiiiick!

2010-01-13T10:20:00.002Z

Thanks to J.J. Nuttall for showing me this. This rooster is raw.

Jodie & Victor

2010-01-11T19:40:00.000Z

My buddy Jodie has set up a semi-eponmymous record label. His first release is out a week today (Jan 19th) and I'm very proud of him.

I thought it fitting to interview him for Platform and ask him how and why he decided to put out a record. Young aspiring label bosses, or anyone with a passing interest, can read the interview here, and everyone should buy the record because it's ace.

Fabric

2010-01-09T20:29:00.001Z

Interesting/weird things found in a fabric shop on Ridley Road.

But the stars of the show were the fabrics.

Owl watch #2

2010-01-08T21:15:00.003Z

Thrift store barn owl

Happy Birthday Elvis

2010-01-08T13:32:00.000Z

Nothing beats the New Year Blues like listening to The King. Fact.

My favourite song in the world

2010-01-08T00:53:00.002Z

(this week)

Platform's temporary office

2010-01-06T15:53:00.001Z

Looks like this....

Show your bones

2010-01-06T11:55:00.000Z

'As the snow flies'

2010-01-06T10:52:00.000Z

Unless you've not noticed it's snowing today. As I cycled to work this was the song that was rolling around in my head...

Long live The King.

Owl Watch #1

2010-01-04T11:19:00.005Z

Now that I have a fancy ass phone with a camera I will be uploading lots of pictures of owls - you have been warned!

I know Christmas is over...

2010-01-02T19:43:00.003Z

but this is too good not to share.

Tonsillitis

2009-12-31T20:41:00.007Z

Take 2 four times a day.

Fountain Family Christmas

2009-12-26T00:03:00.002Z

Done in 6 very easy and conventional steps.

1. Presents

2. Walk

3. Queen

4. Lunch / Dinner

5. Pass out in front of a coal fire due to excessive consumption

[NOT PICTURED]

Mary Christmas

2009-12-25T12:46:00.004Z

All you really need to get things going at Christmas is a good festive jumper.

Until next year Jesus xx

Platform's new office

2009-12-15T19:51:00.002Z

Is a derelict warehouse (for the moment). But we do have a gun.

Kanye's Best

2009-12-11T21:51:00.002Z

Best. Video. Ever!

Thanks to Bob for showing me this.

THE BOX

2009-12-11T16:20:00.002Z

Have you ever curled up inside a cardboard box? It is amazing.

I had a semi-religious experience doing just that last Friday night / Saturday morning.

I seriously worry that I'll never be that happy or content again.

Bill Dance(s with fish)

2009-12-10T11:24:00.006Z

Thanks to Dashy for this.

Best Fishing Bloopers - watch more funny videos

There are loads more of Bill's bloopers on YouTube.

This isn't Bill, but it could be.

Seasons Greetings (from Chew Lips)

2009-12-09T18:20:00.002Z

So far this year I have received two Christmas cards. One had an owl on it and was from my lovely friend Sasha, and the other one was this...

It's from the band Chew Lips and it didn't come in the post, I got it at their end of year X-mas show last week.

There's a picture of the band near that triangle thing outside the Louvre in Paris.

And it was signed by the band, which was nice.

I was especially happy to see Tigs, the lead singer, had signed it and put a heart around her name, because she is adorable.

In related news, I went to Tigs' flat to interview her for Topshop/Platform yesterday. It was a fashion type piece so I had to rummage through her wardrobe etc. I reckon I just about managed ask my questions, take a few pictures, and get out without acting like an amorous school boy and making a fool of myself (probably).

Scenes from a break up

2009-12-05T23:40:00.004Z

I a piece for Platform the other day about the best break up movies. I was pretty happy with it. Here's the first bit...

Everyone who has been through a break up knows that it's pure shit. It's shit², shit MAX, iShit.

For the weeks, months, and maybe years after your break up you'll become a fully paid up resident of heartbreak hotel, where instead of a continental breakfast and mint on your pillow you get an all you can eat buffet of self-loathing and despair, and a mint on your pillow (it is 4* after all).

Even if you end the relationship on your terms knowing it's 'the best thing for everyone' (i.e. you), doubt will still creep in over time. On those long winter nights you'll lie there in your cold single bed, staring up at your cheap light fittings thinking, 'what if I can never get it back? What if I can never trick/persuade/force anyone to love/kiss/fuck me, EVER AGAIN?' I'm not going to lie to you, you are going to suffer - you'll be more miserable than a member of the XX at a funeral - but you need not suffer alone. There are people to help you through this.

No, not your friends. Those fair-weather jerks stopped hanging out with you when you kept saying you were 'too sad to face leaving the house' and then stopped washing your clothes (and then your body). I'm talking about real companions who will be there for you no matter what and who are never more than the press of a remote away. I'm talking about Vince Vaughn, Woody Allen, and Ellen Page - your silver screen buddies. They know what you need, they don't judge, and they're hear to help you through this tough time.

But it's more complicated than all that. You can't just watch any film, you need some expert direction. So, equipped with a fully stocked pharmacy of class-A films I have put together a course of medicated viewing designed to ease and eventually cure your heartache. And if you think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself by calling myself and 'expert' and throwing in all these medical metaphors then hang on because there is actual psychological method to this whole thing. Observe.

In 1969 the Swiss-born psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published a book titled, On Death and Dying. In this work she laid out her eponymous Kübler-Ross model, now more commonly known as the five stages of grief; a sort of psychological road map to loss, created to describe and understand the emotional state of people dealing with grief. Using this framework I have constructed a list of suggested viewing, designed to match and sooth your emotional state; helping you to cope better with the fact that you're all alone and the only person in this world who loves you is your mum, and that's not the same.

If you want to read the rest and see which films made my list, go here.

It finally happend

2009-12-01T12:39:00.001Z

'One Life Stand' the new Hot Chip single has finally been made public. I read on their twitter (yuk) that they are filming the video today.

Is it bad that I'm more excited about getting the album than I am about Christmas? It is, isn't it?

Blur Film

2009-12-01T12:36:00.002Z

Looks pretty 'rad' - to use my friend Milo's phrase.

Keep calm and carry on (watching this awesome video)

2009-11-30T18:38:00.002Z

The ultimate late night visuals from Anthony Burrill. The band Acid Washed aren't too bad either. I wrote something about them in Platform last month. Anything with a Motor City vibe is fine by me.

Move bitch...

2009-11-27T16:08:00.003Z

Swan lake

2009-11-27T16:07:00.005Z